I’m not much one for gut-spilling, and don’t imagine that that’s what’s going to happen here. But if I were the kind of person who stuck icons in posts, my mood today would be blue/sadface. Depression has a bad rap these days, so let me use a good nineteenth century word: melancholy. I feel terribly Keatsian at the moment. Perhaps I should use the Keatsian solution — writing impossibly lovely poetry about feeling blue —

My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains
My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk

— nope, been done.

What it is is post-completion blues. I’ve just finished three major projects. My play’s in production, the script’s been (self)published, and I’ve just delivered a collection of essays to a local distributor and am working out the business end of having it made available in stores near you.

And I’m seeing the end of the tunnel with the Lily poems too.

And I’m on vacation. Double whammy.

I should know better. Long ago, in university, I discovered that although being over-busy frustrates me and makes me nuts, it also makes me happy. When I don’t have too much to do I get depressed. And by “too much” I mean stuff that requires thinking. I am an addict, and a selective one at that. If I’m not doing something creative, I get depressed.

So here’s the thing. I’m between projects. And I’m blue. So, although there’s no nightingale around here, only a cold-front greybreeze and an over-sensitive car alarm that goes off at two-minute intervals, here’s how I feel today:

… for many a time
I have been half in love with easeful Death,
Called him soft names in many a mused rhyme,
To take into the air my quiet breath;
Now more than ever seems it rich to die,
To cease upon the midnight upon no pain …

The rest is silence.



6 thoughts on “Slumping

  1. I sorta kinda sorta relate. In my case, it’s a nowhereland riddled with strange confidence problems. It’s worsened by successfully publishing something (not a frequent occurance). In a truly sick way, rejection is almost better for me. Makes me mad. Makes me work harder.

    Shift of focus:
    What about your book(s) Scavella? Wouldn’t this be a great time to send out some fresh letters to agents or focus on writing new ones? Isn’t this prime time to look to the projects you’re always putting off because you’re too busy?

  2. Wait a minute. Unless that’s a misplaced period, you’re telling me you have an agent? And then you say “in time” you’ll start drafting your books? Woman, did you skip the class that came after “How to get an agent?” You know the one titled “What to do next?” (Involves a bit of partying, haggling, contract signing, tours and book signings–and sharing trade secrets with those less fortunate–ahem). Congrats!

  3. Yes, I have an agent. Or, to put it another way, an agent asked to represent the book. Apart from that, tt’s pretty much as it was before. The book hasn’t been accepted anywhere, so there aren’t any of the above.

    We shall see.

  4. Leave it to me to assume that you would naturally be snatched up by some publisher shortly after finding an agent (I’m well aware that’s not the norm–just that sure of you).

    At the very least you should be practicing your signature.

    Seriously, congrats.

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